You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
