I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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