we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
