well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
