got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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