Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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