so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked a lego.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
