i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
