the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
