Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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