Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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