So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
