We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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