Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
