nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
