that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
