Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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