david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
