Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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