Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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