If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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