Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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