He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
