Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
