the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize