I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
