I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
