So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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