your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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