Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
