Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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