I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
