hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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