ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
