the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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