dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
