The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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