Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
