called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
