So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
