You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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