from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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