dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
