I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
