He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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