Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
