I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
