You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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