I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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