New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
