dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
