I just cut my nipple shaving
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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