why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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