Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
