i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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