i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
