Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
