Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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