So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
