I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
