Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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