Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
