So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
