so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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