Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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