Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
