I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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