If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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