i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
