You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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