im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He has the fingertips of a God
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize