I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
