Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
