dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
