But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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