The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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