just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
