Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
